


if i can't have you

by romeas



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Idiots in Love, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Mark Lee (NCT), markhyuck are neighbours!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 04:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeas/pseuds/romeas
Summary: He always left. And he always came back to leave him again. But Donghyuck never got used to it. And it always hurt.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	if i can't have you

**Author's Note:**

> first of all thank u to my lovely beta bc im pretty sure i wouldnt have finished this without them !!
> 
> that said, i really REALLY hope everyone loved this as much as i do. i've been writing this since august and i feel like this fic is my baby and i love it very much
> 
> this fic was inspired by [this](https://twitter.com/hothyucks/status/1160583151350980608) tweet .
> 
> here's the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1BRtwFPdg6R1nMDc3xLyPO?si=TfWJ9yUYQbuPudmN2f3PcA)

Mark has always seen him. He saw him ride his bike to school, saw him taking care of his little garden and looking through his window as if he was the only person in the world.

He was the most beautiful boy he had laid his eyes on. A beautiful freckled, tanned beauty. 

If he remembers right, they used to be friends. Or at least they were the kind of neighbours that were at each other’s houses when they were kids. It’s not like they were inseparable but they got along really well and understood each other perfectly. Most of the time they didn’t even need to voice their needs because the other would already know what they needed. They were cute like that.

Mark was feeling kind of nostalgic. It was the first thing that crossed his mind when he saw Donghyuck singing while holding his phone in his little garden. He could see him from his bedroom. Donghyuck used to do it all the time, getting out and sitting in a nice spot in his garden, singing while sunbathing. He was happy like that. But he stopped doing it a while ago.

When Mark started learning how to play the guitar he felt like he could finally be in control of something in his life. And he felt so good. He was seven and the first thing he did was knock on his neighbour’s door with his guitar in hand to show Donghyuck what he learned that day. Donghyuck was a really energetic kid but whenever Mark was over and they played their favourite songs, he was calm. There was nothing that compared to that feeling.

They just stopped. Nothing really happened, they just didn’t talk anymore. They would wave at each other when they crossed paths but nothing else. They didn’t have the need to talk to one another, they didn’t have anything in common anymore.

Mark stopped playing the guitar at age sixteen. He didn’t feel like playing it which sounded quite stupid but it was the truth. He loved playing it but couldn’t find the motivation anymore.

When he grew into a teen and started hanging out with new people he felt like something was missing. He was busy all the time with school and he would spend his afternoons away with his new friends. Don’t get him wrong, he was stupidly happy. He made lots of friends and was somewhat popular. When he went home he had his parents waiting to ask about his day with a smile on their faces. 

He stopped playing the guitar and looking through his window to observe the freckled boy next door. Mark doesn’t even remember the day he stopped picking up his guitar to play as soon as he got home. And with that he forgot he couldn’t hear his neighbour sing anymore.

He was just too busy now. He didn’t notice.

Years passed and Mark was now eighteen. Nothing really changed except by the fact most of his friends graduated high school and left him there. Alone. Until now he didn’t feel the need to try and get along with people that weren’t his older friends. He didn’t need to.

One day Mark got home after school to find his house in peace and quiet. It was really weird since there was always some kind of noise in the house. His parents talking, the tv turned on; his father cooking, his mother talking on the phone. And Donghyuck’s voice from the house next to his. But oh well, he hasn't really thought about the fact he hasn't heard him sing to his little garden while watering his plants in a really long time. He also missed the sound of his guitar when he hit E minor. 

That’s what Donghyuck reminded him of. The soft sound of a G to B to E minor.

** _Age fourteen._ **

Whenever Mark played the guitar, Donghyuck mentioned how he wanted to write songs for the person he loves. Donghyuck wouldn’t stop talking about love and how he wanted to know what it felt like. And Mark always told him that he was already experiencing it. 

“Love doesn’t always have to be a romantic feeling,” he told him.

“Love is everywhere. Love is when you wake up without an alarm bothering you, feeling the warmth of the sunlight caressing your skin. It’s when you get to eat that one meal you’ve been forever waiting to try. It’s when you see a cat on the street and you smile at it on your way to school. Whenever you talk excitedly to your friends about that one brand new game you got from the store last week. That’s love. Whatever makes you happy, it’s love.” 

But Donghyuck didn’t always understand what the older was telling him. He looked at him while the other was lying on his garden, next to him, bathing his pale skin under the sun. He felt at peace.

“Are you love too, then?” Donghyuck couldn't help but to ask. Mark removed the snapback that was positioned on top of his eyes and looked at him.

“What do you mean, Hyuck?” He frowned.

“That warmth you were talking about, that’s how you make me feel.” The boy answered. Mark giggled.

Donghyuck was staring at him with the most innocent smile on his face. Mark’s giggles ended up becoming a wholeheartedly laugh and Donghyuck couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t stop looking at him and appreciating every single detail. His laugh and the way his mouth moved; the way his beautiful dark hair looked, resting on top of his shoulders, messy because of the snapback he was wearing. The way his eyes lighted up as if a whole galaxy was inside them. He loved seeing the other laugh. There was something about the familiarity that came with those giggles and that nose crunch. Donghyuck thought Mark was a really cute boy. 

Mark didn’t say anything. He went back to his earlier position and fell asleep under the sunlight in Donghyuck’s little garden.

(..)

When Mark woke up he felt as if his clothes were clinging to him. It’s not like it was that hot so, how come he was getting this odd feeling? When he removed the snapback from his face and sat up, with his puffy half closed eyes, he observed a sneaky Donghyuck resting on the border of his very own swimming pool. 

“You’re joking, Donghyuck, I swear to-,” But before he could finish his sentence Donghyuck was already splashing some water on him. Mark gasped.

“Are you crazy?"

Donghyuck laughed. 

“You’re sooo boring Mark, come on have a little fun with meee.” He whined. Donghyuck was such a baby sometimes.

Mark stood up and looked at the other. Donghyuck was waiting expectantly for him to get in the pool with him. 

Mark sighed. “I really don’t wanna get wet, Hyuck.” The grin in Donghyuck’s face started to disappear with Mark’s rejection. Mark started to walk to the house when he suddenly felt his back getting drenched. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I told you I’m not in the mood.” He tried to dry himself off. “Stop playing around.” He gave up and stared at his friend. 

Donghyuck was innocently looking at him with a small smile on his lips. Everything was a joke to him and he loved to make Mark mad. And Mark loved his friend very much, even if he was so childish. But sometimes it was too much.

“I swear, I’ll stop if you don’t leave. I really wanted to spend the day with you today.” Donghyuck really hoped Mark wouldn’t leave. He just wanted the older’s attention.

“Come on, Hyuck, don’t give me that face.” Donghyuck could see how Mark was slowly giving up. “Oh God, are you pouting?” This time the younger laughed. Mark frowned but a smile started to grow on his face.

“I just wanna spend time with youuu." He started splashing water everywhere and Mark couldn’t help but to smile at the younger’s antics. He was too cute to handle.

“Markieee, I missed you. You spend all your time with your new friends now.” And he definitely pouted again. _ What a brat _, Mark thought. 

Mark sighed, and this time he finally started walking back to the small swimming pool. Donghyuck’s eyes lighted up. 

“Don’t get too happy. I’m just staying for a bit.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I have things to do.”

“You always have things to do nowadays.” Donghyuck looked down, suddenly finding the water passing through his fingers really interesting.

Mark got his feet inside the pool and hummed. “You know I can’t help it, sunshine.” 

Donghyuck looked straight at his eyes this time and said, “As long as you always come back.” And smiled. 

(..)

Donghyuck stared at his desk, sitting at the edge of his bed waiting for Mark. They both ended up playing in the swimming pool and, as expected, ended up feeling exhausted. That, though, wasn’t an excuse for them to say goodbye because as Donghyuck said, _ Mark is definitely staying over, mom! _

He didn’t exactly think this through. Mark staying over. At his. Staying in his room. Which also meant they had to sleep. And _ where would Mark sleep? _ He wondered. He felt how his cheeks started to gain colour at the thought of them sleeping in the same bed. There really wasn’t another option! He wouldn't let his cute and stupidly adorable neighbour sleep on the floor. He couldn’t do that, _ right? _

When Mark got out of the shower he found Donghyuck with his hands on his cheeks mumbling to himself. He giggled. Donghyuck definitely heard him come in because he suddenly got off the bed and ran to the bathroom; _My turn! _He yelled. Mark smiled to himself and sat on the other's bed. 

Mark distracted himself going through Donghyuck’s stuff while the other was showering. It fascinated him how the room felt so alive and screamed Donghyuck so much. It was full of everything the other liked; walls covered by posters of his favourite artists, paintings of his own and small details like the pile of papers next to his bin - probably failed attempts at song writing.

He loved the way Donghyuck loved things. The way he so carelessly adored everything without giving it much thought. How everything he did only had pure intentions. He really was envious of it. 

Donghyuck always took quite some time in the shower so he decided to go through his songwriting book. He doubted the other knew about him reading it every other day. Sometimes he had that feeling on his chest telling him he was doing something wrong yet he couldn’t bring himself to care. It’s not like he was doing something wrong. Donghyuck never showed any sign of it being too private for him. So he just read, _ and read _.

This time, though, there was a paper sticking out of the small book. He took it out and so carefully read what it said. Mark immediately could tell it was a unfinished song. And a good one at that. It didn’t have a title, though.

_ I’m good at keepin’ my distance, _

_ I know that you’re the feelin’ I’m missing, _

_ you know that i hate to admit it _

_ but everything means nothin’ if i can’t have you. _

He wondered and wondered. Who could have made Donghyuck feel like so, for him to write a song like that?

He didn’t hear the sound of the shower anymore so he hurriedly hid the piece of paper in the back of his jeans and closed the book. Just as he was going to leave it in his place Donghyuck came out of the bathroom, already dressed in his comfy clothes, and quickly went to him.

“You’re going through my things again?” He huffed. “You know I hate it when you do that.” He pouted.

Mark smiled and nodded. “Never again, I promise.” He could only hope this time he actually kept his promise.

Donghyuck laid on his bed and started going through his phone. Mark loved how he looked so soft and cozy this late at night, under the dim light of his bedroom with his damp hair. Mark thought the younger was really cute.

“Mark,” Donghyuck said while scrolling through his phone. “Weren’t you supposed to leave earlier today? I thought you had stuff to do.” He was now looking at him.

“I did.” Mark walked to the bed but only rested his knees on the edge of it. “But I didn’t really want to leave after all.”

“Valid answer, Lee.” Donghyuck left his phone on his bedside table and snuck inside his blankets. “Let’s sleep, I’m tired.” He said, confidently.

Mark was left staring at the other’s body, already cozied up, ready to fall asleep at any moment. He was quick to move from his position and got inside the bed as well. They shared a moment staring at each other's eyes until Mark broke the silence. 

“Did you mean what you said today?” He said quietly. He felt like this was too intimate. It was the first time they shared a bed and it felt so good to be close to the other.

Donghyuck moved a bit and let out a huff of air, his eyes already closed. “I said a lot of things during the day,” and sighed.

“Am I really _ your _ love?” Mark felt how the tips of his ears were getting red. 

“Donghyuck?” There wasn’t a response. He heard soft snores coming from his side. He sighed.

“Ah, nevermind” And Mark couldn’t help but get even closer and leave a kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead. “Good night, sunshine.”

** _Present day, age eighteen._ **

Mark’s phone started vibrating behind his pillow. He blinked, opened his eyes, and closed them again. He felt some kind of pressure on his chest. He sighed, blinked again and this time didn’t close them. He got up and realised he left his binder on. He must have fell asleep while looking at his phone last night. When he unlocked his phone he checked his texts. Taeil texted him saying he and his other friends were going back to town for the holidays.

A smile started to grow on his face just by thinking how he would be able to finally see his friends after months. He quickly replied to him asking to meet that same afternoon. 

Mark looked around and realised how messy his room was. There was clothes all over his bed and chair. He’s pretty sure some of those were actually clean but he couldn’t be bothered to check. There was a full body mirror that rested against his wall. It was just right next to his window so whenever he stood there looking at himself, he had sunlight directed at him. At the other side of the window there was a desk. It wasn’t really big. He just used it for school stuff so it was basically untouched with maybe some books spread here and there.

He got up from his bed and stood in front of his mirror. He sighed and the proceed to take off his shirt so he could finally take his binder off. He fell asleep with it so he was feeling some discomfort around his chest and back. It did hurt a bit. After he was done he put his shirt back and walked to his dresser, left the piece of clothing there and went to his bed. He just hoped no one came home until the afternoon when Taeil was visiting him. 

** _Age sixteen._ **

It was days like this that made Mark feel like he belonged. Such simple days spent just lying around his room with a sleepy Donghyuck in his bed. They were in the middle of holidays and that’s when they spent time together the most. Who could blame them since they didn’t have much to do. It’s not like they had school to attend to or a summer job. 

Mark was lazily playing his guitar. Donghyuck was lost in his thoughts, vision locked on the ceiling. These kind of days were Donghyuck’s favourite. He haven’t been the most cheerful lately; his friends had some kind of argument and he was too unbothered to actually take sides. On top of that he absolutely hated summer. It was simply too much. Too much heat, too much stuff to do but refused to and so much time to stare at Mark’s silhouette through his window while the other played the guitar in his room. He guessed that was also one of the reasons he hated summer so much. It was the only time of the year that he actually spent time with the other. 

Everyone would think that because they’re neighbours they would grow into the kind of best friends that walked to school everyday together and would spend too much time at each other’s houses. Well, that wasn’t the case for them.

At first, Donghyuck didn’t know what to think. When they grew older and started going to high school Mark got new friends. And he would spend all the time with them. And perhaps Donghyuck was a bit jealous.

It felt like Mark forgot about him altogether. He only existed during the period of two months that summer lasted. And he couldn’t stop but to stare at him from a distance and wonder how they would be if they actually were the kind of friends that walked together to school. He just missed him all the time. Which was kind of stupid, he thought. They saw each other everyday but Donghyuck was the only one that paid attention.

Mark was softly playing some song that went through his head while Donghyuck slowly closed his eyes. He was so tired he couldn’t wait to fall asleep.

He abruptly opened his eyes when he heard the sound of Mark’s phone ringing. Mark blinked surprised at the sound his phone made. He quietly left the guitar on his lap and reached to his phone. A smile started to grow in his face as he started typing on his phone. Probably eager to reply to whoever texted him. 

“Oh my god Hyuck” he said. Donghyuck didn’t reply. He just stared at the other’s excited face.

“You’re not gonna believe this. Jungwoo just invited _ me _ to one of his parties!” He kept typing and typing and _ typing _.

Mark didn’t bother to look at Donghyuck. He was too excited, too happy. He was invited to go out partying with his older friends! He was _ so _ happy. Donghyuck went back to his earlier position and closed his eyes.

When he was finished, Mark looked up excitedly. A frown started to grow on his face when he saw Donghyuck calmly laying on his bed, eyes closed.

“Donghyuck?”

“That’s my name.” He opened his eyes just to wink at the other.

“C’mon Hyuck. Aren’t you excited?” He already had removed the guitar from his lap and was starting to walk to his closet.

“What about?” Donghyuck replied.

“What are you playing at?” He went through his closet looking for something to wear. 

“What are _ you _ playing at, Lee? I’m not going.” Mark looked at him. “You know I don’t like hanging out with people much older than me. It makes me uncomfortable.” Mark nodded.

“Okay, then. What do you think, should I have a quick shower?” Mark turned his back to him as he went through all of his black t-shirts. Donghyuck couldn’t help but laugh. 

“It’s fine. It’s not like you smell or anything. Just put on some deodorant.” Mark made a face but went to his bathroom and did what he was told.

When he came back Donghyuck wasn’t lying on his bed anymore. He was looking through his window, the same one where he used to look at him on sunny days. Mark smiled and kept looking for something to wear.

Donghyuck was disappointed. Mark was the one that asked him to come, Mark was the one that wanted to hang out. And now Mark was the one that was leaving him. He always left. And he always came back to leave him again. But Donghyuck never got used to it. And it always hurt. 

Mark ended up picking a black t-shirt. As he always did because that was the only thing he owned. Stupid black t-shirts. And how cute did he look on them. Donghyuck sighed. 

Mark was putting on his shoes and some perfume.

“You can still come if you want.” Mark insisted. “I’m starting to feel bad for leaving you.” Donghyuck snorted.

Mark looked through his mirror when he was putting on a necklace and saw Donghyuck now sitting on the edge of his bed. He was looking at the ceiling once again. 

“Dude it’s fine. I was falling asleep, anyway.” Donghyuck replied._ It's not like we are actually friends anymore, right? _

Both of them startled when Mark’s phone made a sound again. Donghyuck looked at it. “He’s outside.” Mark’s eyes widened. “Shit. I still gotta do my hair.” And he’s out of the door running to his bathroom now full on dressed.

When he comes back, Donghyuck is already waiting for him at his door. Mark quickly picks up his wallet and phone. He closes his door and then there was Donghyuck, staring at him from his hallway. He got distracted for a moment. _ Donghyuck’s eyes really are beautiful _. And they heard a honk. Jungwoo was waiting for him. They quickly get out of the house and Mark is once again facing him before leaving.

“You sure you don’t wanna come?” He says with worry on his eyes. 

Donghyuck hums. “It’s not like I would have fun” And he smiles. “But thank you for inviting me this time.” Mark wasn’t entirely sure about what the other meant. Mark nods.

He runs to Jungwoo’s car and before getting in, he yells. “See you, Hyuck!” With that beautiful smile of his. Donghyuck waves at him from the distance. 

“Dude, who was that?” Jungwoo says once he’s inside. Mark was playing with the aux cord when he replied. “Oh, that’s just my neighbour.” And they left.

** _Present day, age eighteen._ **

He went back to his mirror and that’s when he saw what was on top of his dresser. He turned around and couldn’t believe what he was looking at when he saw his guitar case just laying there. Mark decided to put it away some years ago because he stopped using it and didn’t want for it to get ruined. He approached his dresser and took the guitar down. He went for the zipper of the case and revealed his precious guitar.

It still had some dust from when it was laying around in his room against his mirror back when he used to play it every day. He smiled just by thinking about it. It was a black acoustic guitar. Such a beauty. He sat in his bed and played A minor. He frowned at the sound. It obviously wasn’t a pleasant sound given that he haven't played in forever. It was probably out of tune. 

He took his time tuning the guitar. It felt so good to finally feel the slight pain on the pads of his fingers. He went from E to E and giggled when he heard what his guitar actually sounded like when it was fixed. He couldn’t stop smiling, he felt giddy. It’s been quite a few months since he felt this way. He was happy. He couldn’t believe he spent the last few years of his life without playing his precious guitar. 

He got distracted just playing some random chords and singing to his favourite songs when he heard the front door. His parents were already home which meant it was around lunch time. He quickly got up from his bed to leave the guitar next to his mirror when he felt a presence next to him. He peeked outside his window to see Donghyuck laying on top of the grass of his little garden. There wasn’t much space to sunbathe but he always managed to find the perfect spot. When Mark saw him, he stepped back not expecting to see the boy he has been, not intentionally, avoiding the past two years. The other had his eyes closed and looked oh so beautiful under the sunlight. Mark sighed. He felt bad for not talking to the other, but it’s not like he did it on purpose.

_ Right? _

He did miss the freckled boy, he just couldn’t find the time to hang out with him anymore. Of course he was curious about Donghyuck because even though they didn’t talk anymore they saw each other on the school halls. Though, the past few weeks he hasn’t seen him that much. 

He was always surrounded by noise. Mark hated noise. Everywhere Donghyuck went, he had someone talking their ear off to him. And he seemed to love it. Donghyuck was the kind of person that got along with everyone. That’s what it looked like to him. That made him wonder.

Sometimes the older guys invited him to hang out with them since he was friends with Taeil and Jungwoo. And sometimes when he was spending time with Donghyuck he always asked the younger to come with him. The other always said no. But he was supposed to be the one to like to be around people. So why did he always deny him? 

It’s not like Mark could complain about it. He could understand that they weren’t that close but alas. He didn’t get it. But oh well, it’s not like they were actually friends.

He guessed he got a little distracted because when he looked outside his window, this time a pair of chocolate brown eyes were looking straight at him. Donghyuck frowned. He probably didn’t expect to see Mark looking at him. Not after all this years that they didn’t talk to each other. 

Panicked in that moment, he said the first thing that came to his mind.

“Haven’t seen you around lately.” It was a stupid statement given that they were neighbours.

“You’ve been paying attention to me?” The tanned boy said. He also smirked as he closed his eyes and put on his sunglasses. Probably ready to fall asleep in the middle of the day.

(..)

Mark guessed he fell asleep while waiting for Taeil to come. He was comfortably under his blankets, lying on his bed, when he heard the soft sound of voices coming from his own room. He frowned but he was too tired to even open his eyes.

“D’you think we should let him sleep?” He heard someone say. He moved a bit but kept himself under the warmth of his blankets. “He did sound a bit tired over the phone.” 

He sighed and decided to get out of bed and greet his friends. The first thing he saw though, was Jungwoo going through all the papers that were scrambled around his table. 

“Don’t touch that,” he said. The other got startled at the sound of his voice. They probably thought he was still sleeping. “You’re gonna make a mess out of it.”

Someone laughed next to him and he quickly got out of bed when he saw who was it. 

“Taeil! It’s been such a long time I thought I was gonna rot here by myself.”

“Why are you so dramatic, I swear to God,” Taeil said while patting his shoulder. “You’re still a kid after all.” Mark’s eyes widened and he tried to deny it but he really couldn't.

“Well hello to you too, Lee.” His other friend, Jungwoo, said this time. He was still trying to read whatever was on Mark’s desk. He wondered what he left there last time for it to be so interesting. “Oh hey, didn’t see you there.” And got up to hug him. 

“I can’t handle this disrespect,” Jungwoo said while putting a hand on his chest. “You hurt my feelings, Markie."

“That’s what you deserve for calling me that.” He huffed. He still hugged him though. “What are you looking at, anyway?” 

“We’ve been here for a while waiting for sleeping beauty to notice, you know.” He chuckled.

“God, you’re such an asshole. You could have woken me up.” Mark says, embarrassed.

While Taeil and Mark got distracted by catching up about every other thing that happened in their lives these past months, Jungwoo picked up a couple of notebooks that were on top of Mark’s table. He glanced at his friends and noticed they were distracted so he decided to open one of them. When he started going through it, he quickly realised it was a partiture book. He knew Mark used to play the guitar, however the younger stopped playing it a long time ago for some reason. When he was halfway through it someone took the notebook out of his hands.

“I told you to not go through my stuff,” he said, quite heated. “Especially not through _ this.” _

“Would you stop being so childish?” Jungwoo hissed. “What’s so special about a music notebook. Honestly, Mark, what’s up with y-” He tried to take the book from Mark’s hands but then a piece of paper came out of it. Mark quickly tried to pick it up before anyone could see but he was too late.

“A lyric sheet?” Taeil wondered while reading the piece of paper. “I didn’t know you were into songwriting, Mark.” He looked up to Mark

“And I do not,” He hissed once again. “That’s not even mine.”

“You did write this though,” Taeil said while looking at the paper. “I could recognise your ugly handwriting everywhere.” 

“Oh God,” Mark sighed, exasperated. “Okay, fine. This is my neighbour’s song, I just finished it.”

Jungwoo’s eyes widened. “What do you mean it’s your neighbour’s?” He looked at Mark. “And why the hell do you have that if it’s not yours?” 

Mark murmured something. The others couldn't hear him well, though. “Can you please repeat that?” Jungwoo said this time. “Where did you get that from, Mark?”

“I stole it.”

Taeil yelled at him. “The fuc- You did what?” he asked, irritated. “Didn’t you stop talking to him like ages ago?”

“I did, I swear,” Mark whined. “It’s been a long time since I had that.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Just took it from his songwriting book some day and that’s it. I still have it.”

“You’re telling me you stole your neighbour’s song and even had the audacity to change the lyrics?” 

“I didn’t,” Mark was the one yelling this time. “The song wasn’t finished when I took it so-”

“So you decided to finish it by yourself instead of giving it back?” Taeil finally said.

Mark looked to the ground, ashamed. “I guess.”

(..)

Hours later they’re sitting outside Mark’s house. They decided to not let that argument ruin the day so now Jungwoo is lying on the grass of Mark’s garden while Taeil is sitting on a lawn chair next to them, and Mark is playing the guitar.

The spend quite some time like that. Catching up and talking about Jungwoo’s new crush, which happens to be Taeil’s best friend. They keep talking and keep laughing until they no longer hear the sound of Mark’s guitar.

“Did you stop playing?” Taeil turned around to look at Mark. 

“Kinda wanted to show you guys something.” Mark said.

Jungwoo got up from the grass to look at Mark. “What is it?” 

Mark smirks. “Guess.” And starts playing the guitar.

G.

_ I can't write one song that's not about you. _

F minor.

_ Can't drink without thinkin' about you. _

B minor.

_ Is it too late to tell you that, _

E minor.

_ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? _

After the first verse, Mark kept strumming his guitar to continue but he suddenly stopped when he saw someone approaching them. He glanced up and immediately recognised Donghyuck. The other was frowning while looking at him. Taeil and Jungwoo freezed in their position. They knew Mark was playing the other’s song.

Donghyuck opened his mouth to say, “I guess this means you’ve been paying attention to me,” he stopped to look at Mark. “For a really long time now.” And smirked.

Mark didn’t know what to say. The only thing that crossed his mind was how much he had fucked up. He couldn’t take his eyes off Donghyuck while the other sat next to him. 

“You can keep playing, I don’t bite.” Donghyuck looked at him. 

“But-” Mark desperately looked at his friends for help. 

“You heard him, dude.” Jungwoo smiled.

Mark sighed and kept playing. 

G.

_ I'm so sorry that my timing's off. _

F minor.

_ But I can't move on if we're still gonna talk. _

B minor.

_ Is it wrong for me to not want half? _

E minor.

_ I want all of you, all the strings attached. _

He looked up. He tried to read Donghyuck’s face but it really was impossible to do so. Mark stopped playing the guitar once again and the others looked at him.

“Donghyuck,” Mark stared at him. He hummed. “Would you join us this time?”

The younger frowned, looked at the ground, then at Mark’s shiny black guitar and finally into the other’s eyes. Donghyuck knew what he was talking about. He _ had _ to. 

He nodded. Mark started playing the following verse and when he was about to keep singing the lyrics of the song, he heard Donghyuck’s voice.

_ Oh _ , _ I’m good at keepin’ my distance, _

_ I know that you’re the feelin’ I’m missing, _

_ you know that I hate to admit it _

_ But everything means nothin’ if I can’t have you. _

**Author's Note:**

> A minor is Mark’s favourite chord because it reminds him of Donghyuck.  
G to B to E minor are the chords for if i can’t have you by shawn mendes.  
E to E are the strings of the guitar. It goes: E A D G B E.
> 
> talk to me!!  
[twt](https://twitter.com/whinymark)  
[cc](https://curiouscat.me/mixtape4)


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